I have been married for a year, and I have an infant daughter. I went to live in another country with the family, and as the days passed, I noticed a change in the wife’s character, and a lot of disrespect, excessive talk, and arrogance towards me, so I used all the methods mentioned in the Sharia, and despite that she insists on her disobedience and arrogance over me. So I decided to return to my country of origin with the whole family, but she refused to go back, and she did not want to give up her work, even though I mentioned in the legal contract that after God blesses us with children, she must refrain from working, so I tried to convince her, and I spoke to her parents, and despite their attempts, she refused to come back with me Although I threatened her with divorce if she did not come, she became disobedient, and chose to stay, and risk separating our daughter from her father over obeying her husband and returning with him. Now I am trying to find a solution for the sake of our infant daughter, as I cannot leave her there; For I see the danger in which she is. My question now: Is it permissible for me to live with her in one house for the sake of our daughter for a temporary period, while giving up talking, cohabitation and being content with peace, and the necessary words, knowing that staying with her in one house without divorcing her is for the benefit of the daughter; Because I don’t see any chance of going back to her for what she did of disobedience, and preferring work over husband and daughter? And if it is permissible, can you explain how to spend on it?
Thank God.
Firstly:
The wife is required to obey her husband and move with him if he wants to move to a safe country, unless she stipulated in the contract that she reside in a specific country.
It says in Kashshaaf al-Qinaa’ (5/187): “The husband may… travel with her, i.e., with his wife, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and his companions used to travel with their wives.
Except that travel is feared; If the road or the country he wants is fearful, then he does not have the right to travel on it without her permission, because of the hadeeth: (There is neither harm nor reciprocation).
or stipulated her country; It has its own condition, because the Prophet, peace and blessings of God be upon him, said: “The most deserving of conditions is that which you have made lawful for intimacy to be fulfilled.” End.
secondly:
If the wife refused to move with her husband, she was disobedient, and her maintenance for that was forfeited.
Ibn Qudaamah, may God have mercy on him, said: “And the disobedient does not have maintenance for her, so if she has a child from him, he gives her the maintenance of her son.”
And its origin [أي: النشوز] From the height, taken from the dissonant, which is the high place, as if the disobedient rose above her husband’s obedience, so she was called disobedient.
So when she refuses to leave his bed, or she leaves his house without his permission, or she refuses to move with him to a dwelling similar to her, or from traveling with him, then she is not entitled to maintenance or housing, in the saying of the majority of scholars; Among them are al-Sha’bi, Hammad, Malik, al-Awza’i, al-Shafi’i, Ashab al-Ra’i, and Abu Thawr.
And the ruling said: She has the alimony.
--Ibn al-Mundhir said: I do not know of anyone who went against them except for the ruling. End quote from al-Mughni (8/236).
Third:
It is permissible to keep the wife without giving her her rights, if that is by mutual consent. For the benefit of children and so on.
Ibn al-Qayyim, may God have mercy on him, said: “If a man fulfills his desire for his wife, and he hates her himself, or he is unable to fulfill her rights, then he may divorce her, and he may give her the choice if she wishes to stay with him, and she has no right to division, intercourse, maintenance, or some of that, according to what they agree on.” If she agrees to that, then it is binding, and she does not have the right to claim it after consenting to it. End quote from Zaad al-Ma’aad (5/139).
The evidence for that is the hadith of Ibn Abbas who said, he said: Sawda was afraid that the Prophet, may God’s prayers and peace be upon him, would divorce her, so she said: Do not divorce me and keep me, and Make my day for Aisha, and she did, and she revealed: (There is no blame on them if they make peace between themselves, and peace is better) so he did not stop. there is nothing wrong with it, so it is permissible. Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (3040) and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
And on the authority of Aisha, may God be pleased with her, regarding his saying: (And if a woman fears disobedience or desertion on her part from her husband), she said: It is the woman that is with the man, not not. There is a lot of her, so he wants to divorce her, and marries another woman, she says to him: Keep me and do not divorce me, then he marries someone else, for you are in solution Of the maintenance is upon me, and the division is mine, for that is what the Almighty says (there is no sin on them if they make peace between themselves, and peace is Yar) Narrated by Al-Bukhari (4910) and Muslim (3021).
And the disobedient is forfeited her right to alimony, and to oath – when there is more than one wife -, and her right to intercourse and enjoyment remains.
Fourthly:
If you do not want to spend on her because of her disobedience, or because she is satisfied with not spending, then you spend on your daughter, and your wife takes care of spending on herself for her food and clothing.
As for the housing fee, she is not obligated to do any of it. Because her residence belongs to your daughter’s residence.
And my advice to you, if the matter has reached this level with you, is to let her go with kindness, and marry another woman, so that you may chaste her, and she will chastise you. And you can stipulate that she will have custody of your daughter, and you can stipulate that for your new wife.
God knows.
